Making the decision to have a child--it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.
--Elizabeth Stone
This is a quote featured in Baby Hearts which I finally finished reading. If I had to sum it up in a twitterature style I would say....Build secure bond, develop trust. Use signs to communicate ASAP. Create routine, boundaries, but let her lead. Be a role model. Teach guilt not shame.
That twitterature thing is way harder than it sounds. I was aiming for wit, but realize I fell way short. Oh well. Yeah, the main theme that kept coming up chapter after chaper (whether it was about fostering healthy relationships or handling anger and defiance) was to focus all efforts on building a secure bond from the get go so that your child trusts you and trusts the world. According to Baby Hearts authors, if you're letting your baby scream it out, the baby learns that you don't care, and if the baby starts life with the unconcious understanding that nobody cares, the baby keeps that understanding and it leads to tons more issues. Soooooooo....another anti-Ferber point. I'm on board with that though I also sometimes give up and let her scream for a few minutes (never more than about 5). Often she'll stop after 2 and pass out.
Okay, next post will be all about how our crib training has been going this week--I really want to update on that. I also just uploaded a ton of pictures...but she's fussing in her crib now so I'm going to go grab her. I'll be back at her next nap. (Today I'm treating blogging like my job.)
Keep in mind that psychology - like any other science - is not always exact, there is a lot of room for subjectivity. Sometimes a baby who cries isn't learning that noone cares, they are merely letting off steam and don't really care if anyone is listening or not.
ReplyDeleteI think it depends on the cry. I've learned that she has her "I'm tired and am putting myself to sleep" cry and her "I'm freaking out" cry. I don't let her do her freaking out cry, but I'll let her cry herself to sleep.
ReplyDeleteBe consistent. Show her who the Daddy & Mommy is. I hope you don't think I'm being bossy but I 've been in child care for over 20 yrs and have dealt with just about every kind of behaviors in child and have took alot child pche classes and all a person needs is common sense and motherly instints. My saying is "I wasn't blessed that way" (having children) but everyone says I have raised enough to know what to do. I should have been an adviser of different things but that I'm not. A couple people call me a Dr., Lawyer, adviser etc. They say I wear alot of hats and should have alot of letters behind my name but I only have 3 degrees. Have a good day!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI agree that consistancy, and going by parental instinct is a safe way to make decisions and is important to Hannah's healthy development. :)
ReplyDeleteThis is based on my experience and studies in early childhood development.