Sh** head (literally)

I boycotted blogging this week, not for any particular reason other than that I felt like a boycott was in order.  Maybe I'll call it a staycation to give it some validity.  Whatever it was, I'm feeling guilty now, more about the other blog than this one, but partially about this one.  Since I don't have any ideas brewing for the other one, I'm going to post a story here that I've already related to a number of you. I figure it'll make me feel a teeny bit less lazy and unproductive, and also, it's kind of a funny story, one worth remembering down the line if anyone needs to write a speech for Hannah and wants to include an embarrassing anecdote from her childhood to warm up the audience.

When it comes to waking up, this has been kind of a gross week for Hannah.  On Saturday it was vomit; on Wednesday it was poop.  She woke up super early that day, before 6:00. (Her sleep has been incredibly screwed up lately which screws up my schedule/routine which makes sanity incredibly difficult for me, even with acupuncture so I've been trying desperately to get her back on a good sleep schedule.)  Since ignoring her hasn't ever worked very well, I decided to try something new: I calmly entered her room and told her it wasn't time to get up yet so she should go back to sleep or play quietly and I'd see her in another hour.  Hah!!    Yeah right.

About 15 minutes later I was laying in bed finishing up my bottle of water and getting ready to head downstairs to take my probiotic and do some stretches (which I was determined to do since I haven't been able to all week because of Hannah's early bird antics) when Eric decided that he couldn't ignore the crying anymore and went in to get her. The thing that stinks about Eric going to get her is that all he does is bring her directly to me, and HELLO! There is a reason that I haven't gone to get her.  As it turns out, it's a good thing he did go in to get her--THIS ONE TIME--because she was standing at the end of her crib naked from the waist down, poopy diaper in one hand, poop all over the other, holding up the poopy hand and saying "help, help, help."

For the record, I did bend over the crib and give her butt a sniff when I went in at 5:45 just to make sure she didn't have a reason for waking up that early, and I smelled nothing! Sigh.  I swear that I could have unending patience for months on end and cater to her every screaming whim but the one time I decide to call her bluff and ignore the cry for wolf, that's the time that she decides to change her own poopy diaper and make me look like a giant jerk face.

Eric cleaned her up, and I continued to lay in bed, quietly sipping my water and listening to the conversation between daddy and daughter about the perils of changing ones own poopy diaper.  Later that morning I discovered a crusted bit of brown in her hair and, upon smelling her head, determined it to be renegade poop.  I probably shouldn't admit this, but I didn't wash it....I combed it out, wetted the spot down, and avoided smelling her head for the rest of the day.  I think my gross tolerance, low to begin with, gets lower every day that I am a mom.

There's more: later that day she refused to nap (I blame over exhaustion but it's possible that I've read too much Sleep Lady).  I was up and down the stairs a bunch and then she was quiet for a bit, and then loud again so I trudged back up huffing and puffing in annoyance all the way and found her, for the second time that day, naked in her crib.  She had removed her shorts and diaper, disassembled the liners from the pocket of the diaper, and shoved the diaper pieces between the bumper and the crib bars.  And I'd ignored her for long enough that there were a few wet spots scattered throughout the crib.

Have I mentioned that I hate changing crib sheets?? It's impossible to reach the dang mattress, even with the bar down, and the stupid bumpers crowd everything up so that I can't get the corners around the mattress edge without a lot of struggling, and the back corners are totally not reachable...Is there some trick that I just don't know about? Don't hold out on me moms, if you've got the trick, spread the love.

Sheets changed, baby changed and back in bed, load of laundry going, and I'm back downstairs in an attempt to do something productive. Within about 15 minutes the sound of "UH OH!" gets louder and louder from her room.  That's what she says when she drops her lovey or water or when she needs help with something. I return for like the 17th time that afternoon and am none too happy about it only to find that she has stripped herself down AGAIN and peed in the crib AGAIN.  Are you SERIOUS??

This time I got smart: I put her in a onesie.  It was so hot out this week that I was skipping that seemingly unnecessary layer, but as it turns out, it's quite necessary if not for warmth than as a diaper lock-down device.  So far she hasn't figured out how to unsnap the onesie so the new rule in this house is that Hannah is not allowed in her bed without a diaper AND a diaper lock-down device.

Problem solved, future grievances avoided. Until she figures out snaps...